Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Have you?

Have you ever tried to think like a toddler? I mean not understand what they are saying but really think like a toddler…I am hit weekly with the fact that my Granny and Pawpaw are no longer with us. Not because I am not already thinking about them but because my toddler constantly wants to know where Granny and Pawpaw lives….is it far like going to Bec Bec’s was last weeks question? What is heaven? When can I go? Can Connor go, he hasn’t seen them, remember mommy? I try to imagine what she is thinking when I say no we can’t go see them, instead we can look at pictures…well those pictures are no longer enough, she longs for the visit to granny and pawpaw’s. She remembers sitting in their laps and telling them she’s been a good girl and had a good day and asking can I have a snack…what she doesn’t remember is their death. Why? Because I shelded her from that, I kept her away from the viewing, from the funeral, from their death all together. I didn’t want her to know. Now I question whether or not it was best to do that. Connor on the other hand will only hear stories of how silly Pawpaw Barber was and how Granny would sit in the recliner all curled up under covers in the summer months and ask if you wanted to join (cause it was cold) and how she would get excited seeing us coming up the drive way and meet us at the front door. He will never really know them. Cherish the moments you have with the Granny and pawpaws out there, you never know when you want have that time anymore...

1 comment:

  1. That is funny that you did a post on this because last night we were laying in the bed and Natalie asked when we were going to heaven to see her Nana. I am always having to explain death to her so I know where you are coming from. I don't think you were wrong by not taking her to the funeral. I really don't think she would have understood what was going on. There will be harder questions to come. Just Saturday we were at the cemetery and Natalie asked if we could dig in the ground so she could go under and see her Nana. All you can do is what you are doing.